


Shameless on Facebook

by TheSparklingK



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Facebook, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9278660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSparklingK/pseuds/TheSparklingK
Summary: Basically, this is what Shameless would be if the Gallaghers & Co. spent most of their time on Facebook. Each chapter is an episode, following the show's storyline as closely as I can manage. There might be cursing but nothing too extreme.





	1. S01E01 - Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the first episode of season one, Pilot. If you feel like it, watch the episode first, to understand the circumstances better! :)

**Day One –** the morning after Fiona meets Steve.

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** is friends with **Steve Wilton**

( **Vee Fisher** likes this)

 

...

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** Is that Steve from last night? The one who got dowsed in drinks trying to save you?

 **Fiona** Yes, it is. He asked me. Funny there aren't that many pictures, though, right?

 **Vee** Yeah, well, not everyone likes to show themselves off on the internet, babe. I say that's a good thing.

 **Fiona** I think he showed himself plenty last night.

 **Vee** Good point. I want all the deets later.

 **Fiona** I promise I will spill away to your heart's content. :)

 **Vee** Looking forward to it very, very much.

 

...

 

 **Lip Gallagher** is friends with **Karen Jackson**

( **Ian Gallagher** and **two other people** like this)

 

...

 

 **Karen Jackson** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Karen** I had a good time at our tutoring session yesterday. Maybe I should hire you full time... ;)

 **Lip** I'd like that, but if we don't actually study, your C won't ever get to B.

 **Karen** Ha ha. Whatever, it's not like grades are all that important anyway...

 **Lip** :)

 

...

 

 **Ian Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Ian** Facebook friends, huh? You guys are getting serious. ;)

 **Lip** She asked me, not the other way around. And anyway, it's easier to schedule our tutoring through here. No phone bills or whatever.

 **Ian** I think you mean schedule booty calls.

 **Lip** Shut up and jerk off, Ian.

 **Ian** :)

 

...

 

 **Steve Wilton** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Steve** so...why aren't you calling me back?

 **Fiona** I thought we agreed I wasn't looking.

 **Steve** Well, after last night, I figure I deserve at least a phone call. And also, there's nothing wrong with going out and having fun.

 **Fiona** Look, if you want to fuck me again, just say it.

 **Steve** I do. But I also want to get to know you, dream girl.

 **Fiona** Dream girl? Come on. You can get laid anywhere.

 **Steve** You think that's all it was for me?

 **Fiona** I'm not looking, Steve.

 **Steve** Okay. But I will keep trying until you are.

 

…

 

 **Day Two –** Lip and Ian visit Karen.

 

...

 

 **Karen Jackson** is friends with **Ian Gallagher**

( **Lip Gallagher** likes this)

 

...

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** I see you got friend status, too. How are you enjoying that?

 **Ian** Not much, after our close call with her dad. How's your foot?

 **Lip** Sore. I think it was worth it, though. Don't you?

 **Ian** I don't know. Not sure that's my thing.

 **Lip** We'll talk more about that when you get back. Have to go see Fiona's washer!

 

...

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** What the hell? A washing machine? Next up the two of you will be married with the picket fence!

 **Fiona** I'm giving it back. He just hasn't answered the phone yet.

 **Vee** I think you should keep it. After all, he offered. And yours was on its last legs anyway.

 **Fiona** I don't want to give him the wrong impression.

 **Vee** and what's that?

 **Fiona** That I'm interested.

 **Vee** Baby, I think you made that clear the first night when you had sex on the kitchen floor.

 **Fiona** That was an accident. I need to make sure he knows it.

 **Vee** Ha! Good luck with that. That one's a tough nut to crack.

 **Fiona** Thank you so much for the encouragement.

 **Vee** What are friends for? ;)

 

…

 

 **Day Three –** Steve takes Fiona to dinner  & Lip finds out about Ian and Kash.

 

...

 

 **Steve Wilton** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Steve** Thank you for last night.

 **Fiona** Thank _you_.

 **Steve** You let me in. I am _so_ grateful.

 **Fiona** You payed for dinner. I should be the one thanking you.

 **Fiona** I'm still struggling to come to terms with the car jacking part, though. Wasn't what I expected.

 **Steve** It was fun, though, wasn't it?

 **Fiona** Yes, it was. :)

 

...

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** What the hell was that, Ian? How could you not tell me?

 **Ian** I don't know. I didn't think it was your business. I wasn't sure how you'd react.

 **Lip** I don't care that you're gay, Ian, but Kash's married! What the hell does that make you?

 **Ian** Shut up, Lip. You have no idea what you're talking about.

 **Lip** You're being his bitch!

 **Ian** Leave me alone!

 

...

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** Damn, did we have a good time last night. Kev was downright impressed with your boy, as if he hadn't been before.

 **Fiona** Yeah...Frank liked him too, as much as Frank ever likes anybody.

 **Vee** So...are you guys something now?

 **Fiona** I don't know. It's kind of early to tell, don't you think?

 **Vee** Baby, you can always tell. Spill the beans, come on. Don't make me go over there.

 **Fiona** You should. Steve made everyone breakfast.

 **Vee** Really? I think this one's a keeper, Fi.

 **Fiona** Yeah, yeah. We'll talk later, okay? Someone has to rush the kids to school.

 **Vee** Good luck with that.

 **Fiona** Thanks. :)

 

…

 


	2. S01E02 - Frank the Plank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the second episode of season one, Frank the Plank. If you feel like it, watch the episode first, to understand the circumstances better! :)

 

 **Day One** – Frank hits Ian, Fiona sends Steve away.

 

 **Frank Gallagher** Parents always pay for the sins of their children. Be it with a bloody nose or a paycheck.

( **Fiona Gallagher** , **Steve Wilton** , **Lip Gallagher** and **three other people** dislike this)

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** How's the nose? Need some meds and an ice pack?

 **Ian** I'm fine, Vee, but thanks.

 **Vee** Good. But if you need anything, just ask.

 **Ian** Thanks. :)

 

...

 

 **Karen Jackson** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Karen** Scary what your dad did to your brother today.

 **Lip** Yeah, he gets out of control sometimes. Comes with the territory.

 **Karen** Sucks. :(

 **Karen** Want to come over? We can have fun... :)

 **Lip** Nah, think I'm sticking around today. I'll see you tomorrow though.

 **Karen** Can't wait. :)

 **Lip** :)

 

…

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** I wish you'd hit him back.

 **Ian** If I had, I would have killed him. And he doesn't deserve even that.

 **Lip** But think. You'd get to go down for manslaughter. Do the whole jail thing: tattoos, blow jobs from dudes. Gay heaven.

 **Ian** Lip, would you stop it already? The jokes are wearing thin. And it'd probably not be like that, anyway.

 **Lip** Just as well. You really do deserve better than going down for offing Frank. How's the nose?

 **Ian** Rudolf the Reindeer red. :)

 **Lip** Awesome. It's a shame it's not Christmas though...

 **Ian** Yeah, this would be a great look to rock.

 **Lip** :)

 

…

 

 **Day Two** – Frank's missing on Last Friday.

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** good job with the steals, everyone. The going's good. :)

( **Vee Fisher** , **Kev Ball** , **Ian Gallagher** and **three other people** like this)

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** we make a great team, handsome. Thanks for the groceries.

 **Ian** Anytime. :)

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** Feminine wiles go a long way. Enjoying your dairy?

 **Fiona** Yes. :) Debbie got lots of coupons too.

 **Vee** That's how the going gets good. :)

 **Fiona** Yes, it is. :)

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** thanks for breakfast, **Steve**. :)

( **Steve Wilton** , **Lip Gallagher** and **Ian Gallagher** like this)

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** anyone see **Frank Gallagher**? Last Friday of the month, and no sign of him. :(

 

…

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Kev** Vee, have you seen my phone

 **Vee** Yeah, I let Ian have it to call around for Frank.

 **Kev** Great! Now I'm paying their bills too...fucking Gallaghers...

 **Vee** Shut up, Kevin, I bust my ass off working too. And Frank's missing!

 **Kev** Oh, yeah? While you're online chatting up the Gallaghers, there's a computer sitting there just waiting-

 **Vee** I'm going, you prick!

 **Kev** Thanks. I love you!

 

...

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Kev** Didn't see Frank at last call. Want me to ask around?

 **Fiona** Yes, please. Thanks, Kev.

 **Kev** No problem. I'll let you know if I hear something, or if he shows.

 **Fiona** Great. Don't know what I'd do without you.

 **Kev** Always happy to help. :)

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Fiona** Got Tony to file a missing person's report.

 **Lip** Good. Kev says Steve was at the Alibi with Frank last night. Think you can ask him about that?

 **Fiona** Sure. We're back at the house. Are you coming?

 **Lip** Yeah.

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** Find Frank yet?

 **Fiona** No. Everyone's still looking...

 **Vee** Tell me if you do.

 **Fiona** I will.

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Steve Wilton**

 

 **Fiona** Why didn't you tell me you saw Frank last night?

 **Steve** It wasn't a big deal. I just apologized, got him a drink.

 **Fiona** Still, you should have said something. Frank's fucking missing.

 **Steve** He'll turn up. You said so yourself.

 **Steve** Fiona? Come on. Talk to me.

 **Fiona** Not now, Steve.

 

…

 

 **Day Three** – Frank winds up in Canada.

 

…

 

 **Frank Gallagher** not sure anyone will ever see this, but can someone please tell me how the hell I ended up in fucking CANADA?????!!???!!???!!!???

( **Eddie Jackson** likes this)

 

…

 

 **Steve Wilton** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Steve** I'm sorry. I just got so mad that he'd hurt one of you guys like that...I lost it, got carried away.

 **Fiona** Carried away? You took Frank to another fucking country!

 **Steve** I was trying to help. I really am sorry.

 **Fiona** Whatever. Now you're going to get him back.

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Fiona** Steve took Frank to Toronto. Said the idea 'snowballed'.

 **Vee** Prick. You dump him yet?

 **Vee** Fiona?

 **Fiona** Not until he brings back Frank. Did give him a right hook though.

 **Vee** Yeah, I heard. Good job.

 **Fiona** Thanks. :)

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** Got him. On our way back.

 **Fiona** Great. How long until you're here?

 **Vee** Should be there by morning.

 **Fiona** Oh, thank God. Thank Kev too, for doing this.

 **Vee** I will. See you soon.

 **Fiona** See you.

 

…

 

 **Day Four** – Frank  & company come back.

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** We're back, bitches!!!

( **Fiona Gallagher** , **Kev Ball** , **Lip Gallagher** and **ninety other people** like this)

 

…

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** I think Frank's moving out.

 **Ian** Finally!

 **Lip** For a little while...

 **Ian** A little while's better than nothing...

 **Lip** Way to be an optimist, Ian.

 **Ian** You should try it sometime, Lip.

 **Lip** Nah...

 **Ian** You're such a loser.

 **Lip** Thanks. :)

 **Ian** You're welcome. :)

 

…

 

 **Frank Gallagher** If anyone's looking for me – don't – I'll be at Sheila Jackson's. She makes a mean breakfast. ;)

 **(Karen Jackson** , **Lip Gallagher** and **six other people** dislike this)

 

…

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Karen Jackson**

 

 **Lip** Good luck. You'll need it.

 **Karen** For what?

 **Lip** I think Frank's moving in with you. Can't imagine a worse fate.

 **Karen** Well...I'll probably need you to come save me then.

 **Lip** It'll be my pleasure. ;)

 **Karen** :)

 

…

 


	3. S01E03 - Aunt Ginger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the third episode of season one, Aunt Ginger. If you feel like it, watch the episode first, to understand the circumstances better! :)

**Day One** – Ian rejects Mandy Milkovich

 

...

 

 **Ian Gallagher** is friends with **Mandy Milkovich**

( **Mandy Milkovich** and **Lip Gallagher** like this)

 

…

 

 **Mandy Milkovich** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Mandy** I wanted to thank you for being my knight in shinning armor today in class.

 **Ian** No problem. Mr. Bancroft's a freak anyway.

 **Mandy** Still, thanks for the save. Want to hang out after work tonight?

 **Ian** Actually, I can't. It's inventory night, have to stay late.

 **Mandy** Oh. Then I'll see you tomorrow at school. It'll be so much fun... :)

 **Ian** Yeah...

 

…

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** Poor Karen...

 **Ian** Why? You couldn't get it up today? ;)

 **Lip** I'll pretend I didn't read that.

 **Ian** ;)

 **Lip** Frank moved in with Sheila. For real.

 **Ian** That sucks. But it's good for us.

 **Lip** And weird for Karen. Can you believe he actually asked me what my intentions are?

 **Ian** I can, actually.

 **Lip** It was weird. And creepy.

 **Ian** Yeah...just like Mandy.

 **Lip** Mandy Milkovich?

 **Ian** Yeah. I think she wants something from me.

 **Lip** I wonder what that could be...

 **Ian** Shut up, Lip.

 **Lip** ;)

 

…

 

 **Day Two** – Mandy sends her brothers after Ian.

 

…

 

 **Mickey Milkovich**  to **Ian Gallagher** You better watch out Gallagher, you just messed with the wrong girl!

 

...

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Kev** Vee, where's our toaster?

 **Vee** Next door, at the Gallaghers.

 **Kev** How many time do I have to ask you to stop borrowing the Gallaghers our shit?

 **Vee** I had to, Carl broke theirs trying to melt his action figures together...

 **Kev** Yeah, well, tell them to buy their own! I actually want to have toast in the morning...

 **Vee** Oh, quit being a drama queen, Kevin.

 

…

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Kev** did you know Fiona was giving mercy fucks?

 **Vee** to who?!?!?

 **Kev** Tony, of all people!

 **Vee** I can't believe she didn't tell me...

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** so, what's this I hear about you and Tony?

 **Fiona** Who told you?!?!

 **Vee** Does that mean you're done with Steve?

 **Fiona** Maybe, I don't know. It was just a one-night stand. And his first too.

 **Vee** His first one-night stand?

 **Fiona** No. His first first.

 **Vee** WHAT?!?!?!

 **Fiona** My thoughts exactly.

 **Vee** Where did you do it?

 **Fiona** His cruiser.

 **Vee** How romantic. Did he cry after?

 **Fiona** Be nice. He's a good guy.

 **Vee** Kev was right. It was a mercy fuck!

 **Fiona** What?! No it wasn't!

 **Vee** oh, so that means you did it to get back at Steve.

 **Fiona** Did not!

 **Vee** Did too!

 

…

 

 **Ian Gallagher** to **Mandy Milkovich**

 

 **Ian** why did you tell your brothers I attacked you?

 **Mandy** Go Away!!!

 **Ian** Please, Mandy, you have to call them off. They're going to kill me!

 **Mandy** Good.

 **Ian** Mandy, please!

 **Mandy** …

 **Ian** Mandy?

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Fiona** Tony's mother asked me to dinner tomorrow.

 **Vee** Oh, God. Why?

 **Fiona** she heard about us having sex in the car.

 **Vee** I told you those church ladies are gossip mongers!

 **Vee** … Are you going?

 **Fiona** I told him I'd think about it.

 **Vee** Oh, lord.

 **Fiona** Yeah...hey, do you think Kev will let us borrow his car?

 **Vee** Probably not. What do you need it for?

 **Fiona** Federal agent's coming tomorrow to see Aunt Ginger. Need to go get her.

 **Vee** Like I said...good luck.

 **Fiona** Thanks, for all the good that'll do me.

 

…

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** So, Frank find a way to get Ginger yet?

 **Fiona**  No...and he never will. She's dead.

 **Vee** Well, in that case...I think I have an idea.

 **Fiona** What is it?

 **Vee** We could go get someone from the nursing home to stand in for her.

 **Fiona** won't they notice they're missing?

 **Vee** Nah. That place's just like on TV...

 **Fiona** Oh. Well, that's great! You're a lifesaver, Vee...

 **Vee** what can I say, we aim to please. ;)

 **Fiona** :)

 

…

 

 **Ian Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Ian** I'm sorry the Milkoviches busted your face. I didn't even mess with Mandy.

 **Lip** I know. But they think you did.

 **Ian** She was the one who came on to me. And then when I rejected her, she got mad and started screaming and crying and I didn't know what to do!

 **Lip** Yeah, I figured it was something like that.

 **Lip** You know...maybe if you just throw it in her, she'll call her brothers off?

 **Ian** Oh, sure. Why don't you just throw it in Kash while I'm at it?

 **Lip** …

 **Lip** Why, is he asking about me?

 **Ian** Yeah, of course. He's trying to go through all the Gallagher brothers.

 **Lip** Huh...cool.

 **Ian** You're insufferable, Lip.

 **Lip** Thanks, Ian. :)

 

…

 

 **Day Three** – Federal agents come for Aunt Ginger.

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Frank Gallagher**

 

 **Fiona** You better be ready for the visit, Frank. It's today at ten.

 **Frank** I will be ready when I say I'm ready, and not one second before!

 **Fiona** Whatever. Just be here.

 

…

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** mission accomplished. Thanks again for the save, **Vee Fisher**. :)

( **Vee Fisher** , **Frank Gallagher** and **five other people** like this)

 

…

 

 **Mandy Milkovich** to **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Mandy** I could pretend to be your girlfriend in school, you know. So that people wouldn't give you a hard time.

 **Ian** …

 **Ian** You would do that for me?

 **Mandy** Yeah...it'd keep all the creepy guys away from me. And besides...I've never had a real boyfriend before.

 **Mandy** I mean...I know you wouldn't be a real boyfriend, just...I've never had anyone I could do things with, that wasn't interested in banging me. You know?

 **Ian** Yeah. I'd... I'd like that. :)

 **Mandy** :)

 

…

 

 **Mandy Milkovich** is in a relationship with **Ian Gallagher**

( **Lip Gallagher** and **three other people** like this)

 

...

 


	4. S01E04 - Casey Casden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the forth episode of season one, Casey Casden. If you feel like it, watch the episode first, to understand the circumstances better! :)

 

 **Day 1** \- Debbie kidnaps a little boy

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Fiona** How much to replace the heater?  
**Lip** Two bills for a new.  
**Fiona** ...shit.  
**Lip** I might be able to scavenge one from a dead person...

...

 

 **Frank Gallagher** No more hospitality in this world - not even when your neighbours have a party. What a waste!

 

...

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Kev** There’s no hot water!!!  
**Kev** Vee!!!  
**Kev** What happened to the bathroom???  
**Kev** Vee????  
**Kev** Fucking Gallaghers!!!

 

...

 

 **Steve Wilton** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Steve** Are the kids home?  
**Fiona** nah...the boys are getting a water heater, Debbie’s in the park, Carl’s looking for defenseless pets to torture, and Liam’s down for a nap...  
**Steve** So does that mean you’re up for a long leisurely lunch?  
**Fiona** Lunch?  
**Fiona** I’m up to my ass in house work.  
**Steve** That’s an euphemism  
**Fiona** ...how quaint.  
**Steve** How would you like a quick fuck?  
**Fiona** Liam?  
**Steve** Get a sitter  
**Fiona** That’s at least fifty bucks...  
**Steve** I’ll pay.  
**Fiona** you’re not paying me to fuck you  
**Steve** I couldn’t pay enough...  
**Fiona** :)

 

...

 

 **Karen Jackson** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Karen** Ugh, my father just moved back in...  
**Karen** How do you feel about coming over and helping me drown him in the sink?  
**Lip** Won’t your mother mind that?  
**Karen** probably not. Maybe she’d even thank us.  
**Karen** I know I’d thank you...and be forever grateful in whatever way you like... :)  
**Lip** I’m starting to like that idea more and more by the second... ;)  
**Lip** But I can’t, I’m at some dead lady’s house trying to score a water heater...  
**Lip** Want to meet me after?  
**Karen** Definitely :)

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher** and **Ian Gallagher**

 

 **Fiona** mission aborted!  
**Fiona** Debbie stole a baby...we need to figure out how to return it.  
**Lip** Debbie stole a baby?  
**Ian** ...why?  
**Fiona** who knows?  
**Fiona** It’s Debbie  
**Lip** ...didn’t see that coming  
**Lip** Can’t we just give it back?  
**Fiona** it’s too late  
**Fiona** find Carl and get home. Now.

 

...

 

 **Kev Ball** to **Vee Fisher**

 

 **Kev** Vee, who is the kid Fiona just dropped off?  
**Kev** Please tell me it’s not that missing kid...  
**Vee** ...  
**Kev** fucking Gallaghers!

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Fiona** we need a plan or social services will have a field day  
**Fiona** you remember last time, right?  
**Lip** yeah...  
**Lip** ...shit.  
**Fiona** exactly

 

...

 

 **Lip** **Gallagher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** Carl’s gone to the pay phone outside Kash and Grab  
**Fiona** Good, now all we have to do is convince Debbie to take the little boy back...  
**Lip** That’s on you and Steve. I’m out  
**Fiona** great...

 

...

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Lip** Vee’s gone to the cleaners to make her call  
**Fiona** that’s good. I think we’re making it stick with Debbie  
**Lip** Great. Meet back up with you later

 

...

 

 **Vee Fisher** to **Fiona Gallagher**

 

 **Vee** little Casey’s all dressed up and ready to go when you are!  
**Fiona** you’re a lifesaver, Vee, thank you so much  
**Vee** you’re welcome!  
**Vee** what else are friends for anyway? ;)  
**Fiona** :)

 

...

 

 **Lip Gallagher** to **Kev Ball**

 

 **Lip** Kev, what time are you going to work?  
**Kev** going in at six  
**Lip** okay, so you’re going in early  
**Lip** tell them you saw a little boy in a superman costume walking down grand avenue  
**Lip** make sure they hear you  
**Kev** will do  
**Lip** thanks  
**Kev** what don’t I do for you Gallaghers...

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Steve Wilton**

 

 **Fiona** I think we’re screwed  
**Steve** Don’t worry. She’s going to be great  
**Fiona** she doesn’t even seem sorry  
**Steve** She is, she’s just a kid  
**Fiona** well, she can’t lie. She never could...  
**Fiona** ...we’re all going to jail  
**Steve** ...

 

...

 

 **Frank Gallagher** My old pal **Kev Ball** is making an honest woman of our beloved **Vee Fisher**!!!  
( **Carol Fisher** , **Fiona Gallagher** and **three hundred and nine other people** like this)

 

...

 

 **Karen Jackson** to **Lip Gallagher**

 

 **Karen** your sister’s so great for finding that kid little Casey  
**Lip** yeah, I know  
**Lip** Lucky it was her and not some crazy fucker  
**Karen** yeah...  
**Karen** my house’s so weird I wish I had been kidnapped...  
**Lip** Stepdad?  
**Karen** yeah  
**Karen** you should have seen him at breakfast...can’t imagine what dinners are going to be like...  
**Lip** ...  
**Lip** you know...your house is Frank’s wet dream  
**Lip** you’ll never get him out  
**Karen** ...  
**Karen** want to sneak into my backyard and do it on the tire swing? :)  
**Lip** ...  
**Karen** Lip!!!  
**Lip** wait, I’m thinking...

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Steve Wilton**

 

 **Fiona** thanks for buying her that doll  
**Steve** yeah, no problem  
**Fiona** :)  
**Fiona** you know what would feel really good right now?  
**Steve** what?  
**Fiona** a long hot shower  
**Steve** I’ll go over and wash your back  
**Fiona** ...  
**Fiona** ...there’s no hot water :(  
**Steve** you really are beautiful  
**Fiona** ...I hope I’m not fucking up the kids

 

...

 

 **Vee Fisher** I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!  
( **Fiona Gallagher** , **Carol Fisher** and **thirteen other people** like this)

 

...

 

 **Fiona Gallagher** to **Kev Ball**

 

 **Fiona** you know, for a guy who just got engaged you sure don’t look happy  
**Kev** ...  
**Kev** that’s because I’m already married  
**Fiona** ...

 


End file.
